Matchweek 2
The Verdict.

Matchweek 2 arrived with the debris of Matchweek 1 still fresh — and it immediately made everything more complicated. Arsenal remained unbreakable in defense. Liverpool stumbled… again. Manchester United rediscovered their attack. Chelsea's JP Morgan chased away the thoughts of Brighton causing an upset… even though their defense did their best to give the seagulls a sniff. And the Premier League reminded every confident pundit that the only real certainty in this league is uncertainty.

City went to Selhurst Park on a Friday night and put on a show. Haaland opened the scoring with a header in the 17th minute and City never looked back. Cherki scored twice in five second-half minutes — first a pirouette and finish inside the box at 54', then a composed right-footed drive at 59'. A Donnarumma own goal briefly gave Palace hope at 57', sandwiched between Cherki's two goals. Haaland wrapped it up in the 84th. City won 4–1 and it wasn't even close. The Couch predicted City 3–1. The result was 4–1. Right winner, wrong score. The Couch takes it. The worrying takeaway for every other team in this league: City did this away from home on a Friday night without breaking sweat.

Liverpool's Saturday was one to forget. Nottingham Forest arrived at Anfield with a defensive plan, a physical midfield, and absolutely no interest in being rolled over. Dan Ndoye put Forest ahead in the 24th minute. Alexander Isak levelled for Iraola's side at the hour. Forest retook the lead through a Morgan Gibbs-White penalty in the 70th. Victor Muñoz, the summer arrival who is rapidly becoming a fan favourite, dragged Liverpool back with an 82nd-minute header — like he did in Matchweek 1, where he was the one who won the penalty as time ran out. But the final whistle at 2–2 felt like Forest had won. The Couch had predicted Liverpool 3–0. The Couch would like to formally retract that prediction and replace it with a silent, slow nod of respect to Glasner's side.

Newcastle made it very clear that Tottenham are in trouble. 2–0 at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Henry Elanga and Yoane Wissa with the goals, both made to look absurdly easy. De Zerbi's possession-heavy philosophy has yet to produce either a goal or a point. Two games, zero goals scored, zero points, but five goals given. The Couch had predicted 2–2. The Couch was not close. Jaissle's team was far better than a draw suggested and Tottenham were far worse. These are very different teams right now.

Chelsea 4–3 Brighton — breathless is one way of describing it. Their vaunted front-line — JP Morgan, thrilled once again — with both João Pedro and Cole Palmer scoring. João Pedro was the best player on the pitch — even though the other Pedro, Pedro Neto, showcased his quality and speed in a fine performance. Brighton, who had the lion's share of the possession, gave Chelsea's defence headaches, leaving them scrambling to protect their lead all afternoon. And Emi Martinez, freshly signed from Aston Villa to start in the Chelsea goal, put in a solid performance to ensure the win. Alonso wins another one. Messy, dramatic, gorgeous. The Couch predicted Chelsea 2–1 and it was still a one-goal margin. Kudos to yours truly.

Manchester United took care of business with a big 5–2 win over Ipswich Town. After a dud of a showing in matchweek one, losing comprehensively to another promoted side in Hull City, and then going a goal down in the first half, Carrick's side badly needed a response. And boy, did they deliver. Bruno Fernandes ran the show with a wonderful hat-trick (40', penalty 61', 68') and an assist for Mbeumo's goal. As the orchestrator of the offence, Bruno reminded everyone why he was the PFA Player of the Season last year. Ipswich's two goals — from their quality attackers on the break — were a reminder this isn't a pushover side, but United's attack looks potent when it clicks. The Couch predicted 3–0 and instead got 5–2. Right winner. Right margin. The Couch will take that without complaint.

Arsenal at Villa Park was the match of the week in every meaningful sense. Not because of the spectacle — it was tight, cautious, physical — but because of what it means. One Bukayo Saka goal in the 59th minute, set up by a Riccardo Calafiori low cross that was the most intelligent pass of the entire weekend, was enough. Arsenal kept a clean sheet. Once again. Two games. Two wins. Zero goals conceded. The defending champions are not messing around. The Couch predicted 3–1 and got 1–0. Right winner. The Couch respects what it saw.