Tottenham vs Newcastle United

Two games. Zero points. Zero goals scored. Five conceded. Roberto De Zerbi's Tottenham are already in a crisis of their own making, and the early-season questions are growing louder by the weekend.

Newcastle were the better team from the first whistle. Jaissle's side arrived at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium with a clear plan — press high when they had the ball, punish Spurs on the counter when they didn't — and executed it with a simplicity that made De Zerbi's complex possession system look overthought and underpowered.

Henry Elanga opened the scoring in the 62nd minute with a goal that encapsulated everything wrong with Tottenham's defensive structure — with amazing poise, on the spin, he curled a left footer into the inside post and the back of the net. The crowd, which had been nervous from the start, went quiet.

Yoane Wissa made it two in the 72nd minute with a stunning flick that left the stadium silent. Not just the result, but the manner of it — a goal of that quality, in that stadium, with Spurs chasing — was the perfect punctuation to a dreadful evening for De Zerbi's side.

De Zerbi's possession system is working, in the narrow sense that Spurs have the ball a lot. What it is not producing is goals, chances, or defensive solidity. In one hundred and eighty Premier League minutes, Sandro Tonali — the £100m man — has yet to impose himself. Neither have their other expensive signings including Fernandes and Marmoush. Spurs fans have been here before. The script feels unpleasantly familiar.

The Couch predicted 2–2. The Couch was wrong in essentially every dimension — about the score, the direction of goals, and quite honestly, not taking into account that Tottenham will, more often than not, be Spursy.