Newcastle vs Liverpool

Alexander Isak returned to St James' Park. The boo-vation was delivered exactly as predicted — the Newcastle crowd, armed with months of grievance and a first-home-game energy that the Couch had anticipated, made his afternoon difficult from the first whistle. What the Couch had also predicted — Isak scoring against his old club — did not materialise. The drama, however, arrived by other means entirely.

Anthony Elanga put Newcastle ahead in the 4th minute. Not Isak — Elanga, cutting in from the right and finishing before Liverpool had a chance to settle. St James' was ferocious. Andoni Iraola, in his first competitive game as Liverpool manager, watched from the touchline as his side went behind in under five minutes.

Cody Gakpo equalised in the 55th minute, and Liverpool's quality began to show. For two minutes, it looked like Iraola's side would take control. Then Joe Willock scored in the 57th — Newcastle restored the lead with a goal that felt, in the moment, like it might win the match.

It was only when the game entered nine minutes of additional time that the real drama unfolded. Liverpool won a penalty. Dominik Szoboszlai stepped up and converted in the 90th minute plus nine. The Reds took a point. Newcastle took… two fewer points than they'd hoped for after leading twice in front of their own crowd.

Isak's performance was meh — he simply didn't score. And Wirtz — one way to describe it was "wirtz-less". The Couch had predicted big things for Isak and Wirtz and a Liverpool win — neither quite materialised. What arrived instead was the kind of St James' occasion the Premier League was built for.

The Couch predicted 1–2 Liverpool. It finished 2–2 after a 90+9 penalty. The Couch called the wrong team to win. Liverpool fans: relieved. Newcastle fans: furious. The Couch: intrigued.